“I got HPV from a man I loved over a humid summer. My doctor said to come back in six months to have another exam because my PAP showed precancerous cells around my cervix. “So do I have actual cancer?” I was 20. “A healthy young body should fight off the cells.” My body did not, could not, fight it off. They scraped and swabbed and after two years I had a LEEP procedure. I felt sickly. What had I done to my body that it cannot do what is expected? I felt like my body was not mine. I became promiscuous in an effort to prove I was normal. My sexual body didn’t belong to me. I gave it away.
Eventually, I had an exam without abnormal cells. Nice work body. You did it. But why do I still feel like it failed? It was weak. Susceptible to infection. Raw.
I am still struggling to give my body the credit it deserves. I say thank you, I give it the right food and hard exercise. I wish I had a happy ending to this story... instead I'll say we are working on it.”